"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying "Booga, Booga!"
"DROPPED FROM UTS" is just VM's way of saying UTS is out to lunch!
"Gentle Reader..." - Miss Manners
"Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
"It was the BEST butter, the March Hare meekly replied." - Lewis Carroll
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards," the Queen remarked. - Lewis Carroll
"Kernal" is not a word.  The correct spelling is "kernel".
"To be, or not to be." - Hamlet   "Do-bee-do-bee-do." - Sinatra
"Truth" never set anyone free. It is only *doubt* which will bring mental emancipation. - Anton LaVey
"Wayne Newton is," he says, "an example of what America can be."
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe. (from Jaberwocky) - Lewis Carroll
... we tested ours against the other leading brand... - TV Commercial
1. Resolved by this Council, that we build a new Jail. 2. Resolved, that the new Jail be built out of the material of the old Jail. 3. Resolved, that the old Jail be used until the new Jail is finished. - passed by the Board of Councilmen in Canton, Mississippi
186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea -- It's the law.
1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies. 1975-1989: nothing. - Tom Neff
43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr...Seek Error reading Drive C: Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail?
>From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
>From uucp Mon Dec  3 21:05:46 1979
A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
A beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purgatory of the purse, and the paradise of the eyes. - Fontenelle
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
A big mac, french fries and a large coke!
A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money! - Everett Dirkson
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
A book may be compared to the life of your neighbor.  If it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early. - H. Brooke
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
A child of 5 could understand this!  Fetch me a child of 5.
A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan
A city where wise guys peddle gold bricks to each other and Truth, crushed down to earth, rises again as phoney as a glass eye. - Ben Hecht (1894-1964) Of New York, in the film, Nothing Sacred
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster -- it is an opportunity.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read. - Mark Twain
A clean, neat, and orderly work place is a sure sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. - Fred Allen
A company is judged by the president it keeps. - James Hulbert (1942-    )
A company is known by the men it keeps.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. - Arthur Block
A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles. - Will Rogers
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A dead man cannot bite.
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch. - Hermione Gingold, actress-comedienne (1897-1987)
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. - Wilson Mizner
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A good bargain is a pick-purse. - George Herbert (1593-1633) Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - G. K. Chesterton
A good reputation is more valuable than money. - Puvlilius Syrus, Senentiae
A government is the only vessel known to leak from the top.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A harp is a nude piano.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
A horse!  A horse!  My kingdom for a horse!
A hospital is no place to be sick. - Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something. - Frank Capra
A hungry man is not a free man. - Adlai E. Stevenson (1900-1965), Speech, Kasson, Minn., 6 September 1952
A hungry stomach cannot hear. - Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695), Fables, 1678-1679
A hypothetical paradox: What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet? - Tom Galloway
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost
A king's castle is his home.
A knowledge of Sanskrit is of little use to a man trapped in a sewer. - Tom Weller
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way. - Donald O. Hebb
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austin
A lecture is where the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either one. - anon
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist
A lie in time saves nine.
A lifetime of happiness!  No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. - George Bernard Shaw
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A little Madness in the Spring, Is wholesome even for the King. - Emily Dickinson
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.  Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino
A man came into the  office one day and said he was a sailor.  We cured him of that. - Mark Twain, on his days as a doctor's apprentice in California
A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants. - Arthur Schoperhauer
A man cannot be in two places at once, unless he is a bird.
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares. - Elbert Hubbard
A man lives by believing in something, not by debating and arguing about many things. - Thomas Carlyle
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him. - George Bernard Shaw
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands. - Michelangelo
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!", "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." - Stephen Crane
A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well. - Francis Bacon
A man who knows that he is a fool is not a great fool. - Chuang Tzu
A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society. - Frederick the Great.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man with 3 buttocks.
A man with a clear conscience does not tremble at a midnight knock on his gate. - Chinese Proverb
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A man's homeland is wherever he prospers. - Aristophanes
A man's house is his hassle.
A man, a plan, a canal.  Suez!
A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
A moose once bit my sister.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
A muth once bit my sister.
A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners. - Olaf Stapledon
A noble choice, but first ...
A painting in a museum probably hears more foolish remarks than anything else in the world. - Edmond & Jules Goncourt
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
A patient hearer is a sure speaker. - George Savile, Marquess of Halifax (1633-1695), Political, Moral and Miscellaneous Reflections, 1750
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A plausible impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. - Aristotle, Poetics
A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs.
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well.
A quart cannot become a gallon. - Malaysian Proverb
A relationship is like a shark.  It has to keep moving forward or it dies.
A rolling disk gathers no MOS.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. - John Tudor
A ship in harbor is safe -- but that is not what ships are for. - John A. Shedd
A shortcut is the longest path between two points.
A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a clean desk.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. - Joseph Stalin
A snake lurks in the grass.
A soft drink turneth away company.
A stitch in time saves nine.
A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. - anonymous
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
A theory is better than its explanation.
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever. - Keats
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
A violent man will die a violent death.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
A well--known friend is a treasure.
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will. - Abraham Lincoln
A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
A word to the wise is enough.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
APL is a write only language: You can write programs in it; but try and read them!
Abolish first marriages!
Abortion is a miscarriage of justice.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
Above all else -- sky.
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Abstain from beans.
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Al Capp
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Accuracy: The vice of being right.
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Actors will happen in the best--regulated families.
Adding manpower to a late software project only makes it later.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adolescence is that period of time between puberty and adultery.
Ads push the principle of noise all the way to the plateau of persuasion. They are quite in accord with the procedures for brainwashing. - Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media
Adult: One old enough to know better.
Advancement in position.
Advertising agency: eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission. - Fred Allen (1894-1956)
Advertising is the greatest art form of the twentieth century. - Marshall McLuhan, in Advertising Age, 1968
Advertising is to art what the banjo is to an orchestra. - Martin Mull
Advertising is what you do when you can't go see somebody. That's all there is. - Fairfax M. Cone (1903-1977), Foote, Cone & Belding, Quoted in the Christian Science Monitor, 20 March 1963
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money out of it. - Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After they got rid of capital punishment, they had to hang twice as many people as before.
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Aging is bad, but consider the alternative. - Anonymous
Agree or disagree with the following statement: There are two kinds of people in this world --  Those that seperate people into two groups, and those that don't. - Robert Benchley
Ahah!
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
Air pollution is a mist demeanor.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Aleph sub alpha is the alpha'th aleph.
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.) - Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
All I ask for is an opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
All Marxists, basically, are reactionaries, yearning for the Oriental despotisms of pre-Hellenic times, the neolithic culture that preceded the rise of self-consciousness and egoism. - Robert Anton Wilson, writing as "Justin Case".
All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. - George Orwell
All art is but imitation of nature.
All art is quite useless.
All cats are gray in the dark. - Benjamin Franklin
All diagnostics are fatal.
All echelons of the staff will coordinate the configuration of the plans with the requisite tailoring of the overview in order to expedite the functional objective. - Capt. Scarrett Adams, USN
All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare. - Benedict Spinoza
All generalizations are bad. - R.H. Grenier
All great discoveries are made by accident.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All hope abandon, ye who enter here. - Dante Alighieri
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
All is well that ends well.
All laws are basically false.
All machines are amplifiers.
All men know the utility of useful things, but not know the utility of futility
All modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain called Huckleberry Finn. - Ernest Hemingway
All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions. - Leonardo da Vinci
All serious daring starts from within. - Eudora Welty
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
All the world's a stage and the people on it are poorly rehearsed.
All things are possible except skiing thru a revolving door.
All trends towards Chaos.
All true wisdom is found on T--shirts.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
All's well that ends.
All's well that ends.
Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to make more.
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. - Irene Peter
Always cut the cards.
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
Always remember it is better to give than to receive.  Besides, you don't have to write thank--you notes.
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
Always tell a woman she's beautiful, especially if she isn't.
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
Always yield to temptation, for it may not pass your way again.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. - Charlie McCarthy
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
America! the land of the Chrysler 440 cubic inch engine!
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President -- but is always polite to traffic cops.
An Irish bull is always pregnant. - Professor John Pentland Mahaffey
An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.
An Irishman will die before letting himself be buried outside of Ireland.
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
An aphorism is never exactly truthful. It is either half-truth or a truth and a half. - Karl Kraus (1874-1936), Spruche and Widerspruche
An artist should be fit for the best society and kept out of it.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan
An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-spec.
An empty bus travels fast. - Tom Weller
An engineer is someone who does list processing in Fortran.
An honest God is the noblest work of man.
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Anarchy is against the law.
Anchovies?  You've got the wrong man!  I spell my name DANGER!  (click)
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
And here's another clue for you all:  The walrus was Paul.
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the bible were used to beat plowshares into swords... - Alan Watts
And now, for something completely different. - Monty Python
And so it goes. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. - Monty Python
And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut.
And they're off!
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Antelope freeway--1/4 mile.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
Any IC protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an Art. - H. L. Mencken
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. - Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
Any given program: Once running, is obsolete.
Any given program: Will expand to fill all available resources.
Any government that's strong enough to give the people everything they want is a government that's strong enough to take it away.
Any man who hates dogs and children can't be all bad. - W.C. Fields
Any shrine is better than self--worship.
Any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clark
Any system that depends on reliability is unreliable.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Anyone want a burger? It has cheese on both sides!
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. - G. K. Chesterton 
Anything worth having is worth cheating for. - W.C. Fields
Appearances often are deceiving.
April hath put a spirit of youth in every thing. - William Shakespeare
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Archimedes had no principles!
Are we having fun yet? - J. Paul Grayson
Are we not men?
Are you a turtle?
Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.
Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth. - Pablo Picasso
Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere. - G.K.Chesterton
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
As a goat herd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
As a rule software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications. - Dave Parnas, Communications of the ACM (33, 6 June 1990 p.636) 
As far as criticism is concerned, we don't resent that unless it is absolutely biased, as it is in most cases. - John Vorster (1915-    ), Quoted in the Observer, 9 November 1969
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
As in other things, so in men, not the seller but the buyer determines the price. - Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679), Leviathon, 1651
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
As we anarchists say: "There's no government like no government." - D'Arcy J.M. Cain (darcy@druid)
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
Assembly language is also available. - Jordan Henderson  (jordan@hackercorp.com)
Astronauts are out to launch.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Autocracy is based on the theorem that one man is smarter than many.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
Avoid colloquial stuff.
Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'
Avoid run--on sentences they are hard to read.
Avoid shifting into reverse while your car is moving; especially while moving at a high rate of speed. - 1988 Honda Civic CRX Owner's Manual
Avoid temporary variables.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Avoid unnecessary branches.
BASIC is to computer programming as "qwerty" is to typing.
Baby carriage bumper sticker:   "POO-POO HAPPENS!'' - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Baby... - The Late Elvis Presley.
Badges?  We don't need no stinkin' badges! - Eli Wallach (The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly)
Badness comes in waves.
Baloney is flattery so thick that it can not be true and blarney is flattery so thin that we like it. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Bare words are no good bargain. - John Clarke (1609-1676), Paroemiologia Anglo-Latina, 1639
Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Be alert, the world needs more lerts.
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
Be braver.  You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
Be careful what you ask for --  because you just might get it. - Czech Proverb
Be careful what you wish for; you might get it.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Be careful!  Is it classified?
Be careful, the last person using this keyboard had a terminal disease.
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Be cheerful while you are alive.
Be happy with the real pleasures in life.
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
Be like a postage stamp -- stick to one thing until you get there. - Josh Billings
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Be reasonable. Do it my way. - Unknown
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Be seeing you.
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Be sure to treat your assumptions as though they are reality.
Be valiant, but not too venturous.  Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
Beam me up, Scotty!
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Beauty seldom recommends one to another.
Because the water is still, you must not think there is no crocodile there. - Malaysian Proverb
Because the wine remembers.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Been Transferred Lately?
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
Before engaging in a battle of wits, make sure your opponent is armed. - East Texas Proverb
Before you trust a man, eat a peck of salt with him. - Anonymous, derived from Cicero
Beggars should be no choosers.
Begin well, end badly; begin badly, end worse.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
Behind your back, your colleagues are talking about Jeckyl and Hyde.
Being natural is simply a pose.
Better attitudes through chemistry. - Bruce
Better late than never.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
Better to kill time than have it kill you. - karl
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Better to send ten ambulances when they are not needed than one when it is.
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before.
Beware of Bigfoot!
Beware of Dogmas. - Unknown
Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.
Beware of a dark--haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. - Thoreau
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
Beware of low flying butterflies.
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
Beware the legless man who teaches running.
Beware the new TTY code!
Beware the thirty--first of November.
Bidet?  Try washing your whole body. - anon
Big book, big bore.
Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
Bimbos should be obscene and not heard.
Biology grows on you.
Biz is better.
Blackberries are red when they are green.
Blah.
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Bluegrass is not just a weed.
Bourgeois morality is largely a system of making cheap virtues a cloak for expensive vices. - George Bernard Shaw
Boycott Clockwork Peach.
Brain fried -- Core dumped
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Buffalo is not just the name of an animal.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Build a system even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Bureaucratic organization is like a septic tank: the big chunks rise to the top
Bus error -- Core dumped
Business will be better or worse. - Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
Business will be either better or worse. - Calvin Coolidge
But Captain--the engines can't take this much longer!
But I don't like Spam!!!!
But in the way of bargains, mark you me, I'll cavil on the ninth part of a hair. - Shakespeare (1564-1616), Henry IV, Part I, 1597-1598
But this is my sister's bike!
But you shall not escape my iambics.
Buy low, sell high.
Buy!  Amdahl Stock to go up 100 points next week.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
By nature, men are nearly alike; by practice, they get to be far apart.
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
By the yard, life is hard.  By the inch, it's a cinch.
Bye Kids! - Ed Barbara
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
C is the assembly language of Tcl. - Karl Lehenbauer (karl@hackercorp.com)
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods.
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
COKE IS IT!
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. - Fred Allen
Californians are not without their faults.
Call upon a man of business during hours of business only to transact your business. Then go about your business and give him time to attend to his business. - Anonymous
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
Can you read a punched card, looking at the holes?
Can you whistle 300 baud?
Can you whistle a telephone number?
Can't open /usr/lib/fortunes.
Canada: a few acres of snow. - Voltaire
Cannot fork -- try again.
Cannot open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.
Carpe Diem.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Celebrate Hannibal Day today.  Take an elephant to lunch.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Celibacy is hereditary.
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C--543.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Charity begins at home.
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Charlie was a chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
Charm is a way of getting a "yes" without having asked any clear question.
Chaste makes waste.
Chastity is its own punishment.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
Check again to make sure it's not loaded.
Cheech!  Hey!  Cheech! - Chong
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chicken Little was right.
Chicken feed is what most of our nest eggs have turned into.
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Children have more need of models than of critics.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
Chown up.  Chow down.
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
Civilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect for all men. - Jane Addams
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
Classified material requires proper storage.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect.  Weather is what you get.
Clones are people two.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you. - Song Lyric
Coastal access, next left.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Cocaine isn't habit forming.  I should know -- I've been using it for years. - Talullah Bankhead
Coed dorms promote campus unrest.
Coffee in England is just toasted milk.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum--I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. - Ambrose Bierce
Cogli l'attimo 'ogli l'attimo.
Collaboration: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
Committee: A group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. - Anonymous
Committees do harm merely by existing. - Freeman Dyson
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
Compromise: The fine art of making sure that nobody gets what they really want. - Anonymous
Computer Science is embarrassed by the computer.
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
Computers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but your operators.
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Computers are useless; they can only give answers. - Picasso
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
Con 'sta pioggia e con 'sto vento chi e' che bssa a 'sto convento?
Concentrate on security.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Confucious say too damn much!
Confucious say: "I have no time for monks resisting the carnival"
Confusion is always increasing in society.
Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!
Congratulations!  The pressure will stop soon.
Congratulations!  You are the 16,777,216th user to login to our system.
Congratulations!  You are the one--millionth user to log into our system.
Congratulations!  You have now used up another 250 hours of CPU time.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.
Consider your reputation.  Try changing your name and moving to a new town.
Continental Life. Why do you ask?
Convention is the ruler of all.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal if you are all thumbs.
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal if you don't use your thumbs.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of incompetence.
Create your own opportunity.  Blackmail a senior executive.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Credo, quia absurdum est. [I believe, because it is absurd.] - Tertullian, Roman lawyer, theologian and misogynist; man of questionable judgement
Crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it.
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
Curses! May you be forced to grep the termcap of an unclean yacc while a herd of wild rogue emacs fsck your troff and vgrind your pathalias!
Cwm fjord--bank glyphs vext quiz.
Cynic: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT blow the hatch! Roger....hatch blown! - MAROONED
Dad, have you seen Blip? I can't find him anywhere!
Daisies of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains.
Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! Danger! Danger!
Darth Vadar!  Only you would be so bold.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Dating is like Geometry: If you've got the curves, I've got the angles.
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
De--accession euphemisms.
Dear Teacher: Please excuse my son Joseph's absence on Friday as it was Ash Wednesday. - Signed, My Mother
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
Decaffeinated coffee?  Kinda like kissing your sister. - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Decisions terminate panic.
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
Deliberation: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. - Senator Soaper
Democracy is also a form of worship.  It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. - H. L. Mencken
Democracy is based on the theorem that many men are smarter than one.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Details 20 minutes from now on Action Central News, kids.
Diagnostics can best be understood in the context of the source code.
Did Mt. St. Helens make Seattle Wash. ?
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
Direct action produces direct reaction.
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
Disguise your feelings when you put your relatives on the plane for home.
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
Disk crisis, please clean up!
Disks travel in packs.
Do not be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Do not be overly suspicious where it is not warranted.
Do not believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon.
Do not kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Do not learn the tricks of the trade--learn the trade.
Do not lend money to a fiend.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.  (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a))
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Do not speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do not tell big lies.  Small ones can be just as effective.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do not worry about whether or not the sun will shine. Just be prepared to enjoy it.
Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on. - Michael O'Donoughue
Do unto others before they undo you.
Do you have a job?
Do you have lysdexia?
Do you know Montana?
Do you know that doing your best is not good enough?  First you must know what to do. - manufacturing-quality theorist W. Edwards Deming
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
Do you know, considering the market, there is more Poems produced than any other thing? No wonder poets sometimes have to seem So much more businesslike than businessmen. Their wares are so much harder to get rid of. - Robert Frost (1874-1963), New Hampshire, 1923
Do you really think Iranian terrorist would've taken Americans hostage, if Ronald Regan were president? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Do you really think third-rate military dictators would laugh at America and burn our flag in contempt, if Ronald Regan were president? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Doc, note, I dissent.  A fast never prevents a fatness.  I diet on cod.
Documentation is the castor oil of programming...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Does your computer talk to you?
Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing, but nobody else does. - Steuart Henderson Britt (1907-1979), Quoted in the New York Herald Tribune, 30 October 1956
Doing gets it done.
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Don't I know you?
Don't attitudenize. - Samuel Johnson
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
Don't believe anything you read and only half of what you see. - Will Rogers
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don't blame me! I was dancing Friday night!
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't crush that dwarf;  hand me the pliers.
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
Don't eat yellow snow.
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
Don't everyone thank me at once.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don't gamble with security.
Don't get married.  Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. - anon
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear inspection.
Don't give up, I'm proud of who you are.
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
Don't let your mouth run faster than your brain.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't look now, but there is a multi--legged creature on your shoulder
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
Don't patch bad code-- rewrite it.
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
Don't read everything you believe.
Don't shoot the pianist.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Don't stop at one bug.
Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
Don't talk to me about appealing to the public. I am done with the public, for the present anyway. The public reads the headlines and that is all. The story itself is fair and shows the facts. That would be all right if the public read the facts. But it does not. It reads the headlines and listens to the demagogues and that's the stuff public opinion is made of. - J.P. Morgan (1837-1913)
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud.
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.
Don't use contractions in formal writing.
Don't use no double negatives.
Don't vote--it only encourages them!
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. - Howard Aiken
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job.
Don't wrestle a pig in a mud hole. You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys it.
Double!
Down with categorical imperatives!
Down with ignurance!
Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drive defensively, buy a tank.
Drop that pickle!
Duck who fly upside down have quack up.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... - Carl Zwanzig
Due to a shortage of devoted followers, the production of great leaders has been discontinued.
Duty is what one expects from others.
EVIL GENIUS: Oh Benson, dear Benson . . . you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence. - Time Bandits
Each of us bears his own Hell.
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow you diet.
Economics is called the dismal science, but that's just because most economists are dismal scientists.
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
Economy makes men independent.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. - Malcom S. Forbes
Eeeney-Meeney, Chili-beanie, the spirits are about to speak! - Bullwinkle
Eh-buh-dee, Eh-buh-dee, Ehhh -- Thhhhthat's all, Folks! - Porky Pig
Ekkie ekkie phatang zooboing!
Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond. - Commodore Grace Murray Hopper, USN
Eliminate government waste no matter how much it costs.
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter your personal identification number.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
Epigrams are macros, since they are executed at read time.
Equal bytes for women.
Errare umanum est.
Eschew Obfuscation. (Look THAT up in your Funk and Wagnalls!) - Anonymous
Eschew clever rules. - Jon Condon, Bell Labs
Eschew dialect, irregardless.
Eschew obfuscation.
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Eureka!
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness! - from Fiddler On The Roof
Even a prostitute can't find work in a town full of nymphomaniacs. - Seymour Merrin
Even a small star shines in the darkness. - Danish Proverb
Even if the story isn't true, it does have a grain of sense and instruction to it, and it's entertaining as well, so it's worth the telling.
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Even though one keeps his nose to the grindstone, it does not mean that he is good for anything besides cutting bread with his nose.
Ever help the person behind the counter with their terminal/computer?
Ever shoot an elephant in your pajamas?
Everthing human is pathetic.  The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. - Pablo Picasso
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT.
Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
Every man has his price.  Every price has its man.
Every man is as Heaven made him, and sometimes a great deal worse.
Every one lives by selling something. - Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894), Across the Plains, 1892
Every opportunity we have to run our R&D scientists and engineers against our customers, we do it. - George Heilmeier, Texas Instruments Inc., Dallas
Every purchase has its price.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
Every why hath a wherefore.
Every year a few research results pay the freight for all the rest. - Robert A. Frosch, General Motors
Everybody got someone they call home. - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Everybody need reverse polarity - Rush, Signals
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Everybody ought to have a friend.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile.
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone ought to have a maid.
Everyone stopping by with unsought advice will see your mistake.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything goes wrong at once.
Everything human is pathetic.  The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)
Everything put together, falls apart, sooner or later.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955), Quoted in Reader's Digest, October 1977
Everything should be transparent to the user.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Everything that can be said can be said clearly. - Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)
Everything we call real is made of things that cannot be regarded as real. - Neils Bohr
Everything you know is wrong!
Everything's coming up roses.
Excreto ergo sum.
Excuse me for not answering your letter, but I've been so busy not answering letters that I couldn't get around to not answering yours in time. - Groucho Marx
Excuse me, Worker, I'll just be a nanosecond. - a computer, from Firesign Theater's "I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus"
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
Expansion means complexity, and complexity decays.
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. - F. P. Jones
Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail in the same way.
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so.
Express an opinion, but send advice by freight.
External Security:
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
Extreme good--naturedness borders on weakness of character.  Avoid it.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
Falling hurts least those who fly low. - Chinese Proverb
Familiarity breeds attempt.
Familiarity breeds.
Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect. - Keats
Fancy gizmos don't work.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Fast ship?  You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
Fasten your seat belt.
Feces Occurs.
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder. - George Washington (1732-1799), Letter to Robert Howe, 17 August 1779
Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be. - Charles Brower
Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed. - Bertrand Russell
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is messed up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
Firmness of delivery dates is inversely proportional to tightness of schedule.
First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack. - George Carrette [1990]
Flee at once, all is discovered.
Flying is the art of throwing yourself at the ground... and missing!
Follow the good side right to the fire, but not into it.
Football combines the worst elements of America:  Mass violence punctuated by committee meetings. - Author Unknown
Football is an incredible game.  Sometimes it's so incredible, it's unbelievable. - Tom Landry
For a good time, call (408) 555--1212.
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
For adult education nothing beats children.
For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube.
For best results: flip open cap, fill dishwasher dispenser cup(s)... - Palmolive liquid automatic dishwashing detergent bottle
For courage mounteth with occasion.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
For thee the wonder working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
For those of you who think life is a joke, just think of the punchline.
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
Force has no place where there is need of skill.
Fort Wayne is not the headquarters of F troop.
Fortunately... no one's in control. - Willie Nelson
Fortune is like the market, where many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall. - Francis Bacon (1561-1626), Of Delays, 1625
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn. - Rhett Butler
Frankly, my dear Charlotte, I don't give a damn.
Free at last, free at last, Great God Almighty, I am free at last. - Martin Luther King
Free the Indianapolis 500.
Freedom is slavery.  Ignorance is strength.  War is peace.
Freedom of the press belongs to those that own one. - A.J. Liebling
Friction is a drag.
Friends come and go... enemies accumulate.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Friendship is like wax fruit. It's great until you try to put the bite on it. - B.C. (Johnny Hart) 
Frisbee players are ultimate lovers.
From an operating system research point of view, Unix is -- if not dead -- certainly old stuff, and it's clear that people should be looking beyond it. - Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of Unix, Usenix keynote speech from Summer 1990
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
From now on we shall offer police jobs to qualified women regardless of sex. - A New Jersey town's affirmative action statement
Fudd's First Law:  "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."
Function reject.
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - H. H. Williams
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
Fuzzy project goals avoid the embarrassment of estimating the costs.
GALAHAD: Camelot LAUNCELOT: Camelot GAWAIN (to the PAGE): It's only a model. ARTHUR (turning sharply): Shhh!!!  - Monty Python
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Gargling twice daily is a good way to see if your neck leaks.
Garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.
Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying. - Robert Herrick
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas A. Edison
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
Gentlemen, it appears to be unanimous that we cannot agree.
Get off your ASCII.
Get out the Crisco.
Get the test tubes and that scale and get it all outta here - Steely Dan
Getting a date with a girl is a lot like getting a loan from a bank --  to get one, you must first prove that you don't need one. - Brad Kozak
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
Give a woman an inch  and she'll park a car in it.
Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.
Give him an evasive answer.
Give me a fish and I will eat today.  Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
Give me all your lupins!
Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
Give me librium or give me meth.
Give up.
Give what you have. To someone it may be better than you dare to think. - Longfellow
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
Go Hawaiian: Give your gal a lei.
Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!!
Go away, kid.  You bother me.
Go away.
Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
God bless the Holy Trinity.
God does not play dice with the universe. - Einstein
God forbid that I should be out of debt, as if, indeed I could not be trusted. - Rebelais
God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
God not only plays dice, He sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen. - S. Hawking
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. - Reinhold Niebuhr
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the universal amphitheater.
Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions.
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. - Fred Brooks, University of North Carolina
Good literature is about Love and War. Trash fiction is about Sex and Violence. - Author Unknown
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a good day.
Good words are worth much, and cost little. - George Herbert (1593-1633), Jacula Prudentum, 1651
Goodness had nothing to do with it. - Mae West
Goodness is the only investment that never fails. - Henry David Thoreau
Gort, klaatu birada nikto.
Graffiti has changed deface of the nation.
Grammarians dispute--and the case is still before the courts. - Horace, Epistles (Ars Poetica)
Gravity brings me down.
Great googly moogly! - Frank Zappa
Great spirits have always found violent oppression from mediocrities. - Albert Einstein
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Gun control:  Hitting what you aim at. - Author Unknown
Gutenberg made everybody a reader. Xerox makes everyone a publisher. - Marshall McLuhan, Interview in the Washington Post, 1977
HEL-lo. - J. Paul Grayson
Hackers of the world, unite!
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted, and the trouble is I don't know which half. - John Wanamaker (1838-1922), Quoted in Ogilvy, Confessions of an Advertising Man, 1963
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
Happiness is not a destination.  It's the trip. - Anonymous
Happiness is not an ideal of reason, but of immagination. - Immanuel Kant
Happy feast of the pig.
Hard where? Soft where?
Harp not on that string.
Haste maketh waste.
Have no friends not equal to yourself.
Have the courage to live; anyone can die. - Robert Cody
Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?
Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key? ... Was it the power switch?
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?... Did it answer?
Have you locked your file cabinet?
Have you seen Quasimodo?  I had a hunch he was back.
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
Hawaii is a part of the United States that is an island and is right here. - Dan Quayle, while in Hawaii
Hawaii is as American as apple poi.
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions...
He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He know the precise psychological moment when to say nothing. - Oscar Wilde
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils.
He that blames would buy. - George Herbert (1593-1633), Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
He that can have patience can have what he will. - Benjamin Franklin
He that cannot abide a bad market, deserves not a good one. - John Ray (1627-1705), English Proverbs, 1678
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
He that speaks ill of the Mare will buy her. - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), Poor Richard's Almanack, 1742
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He was a fiddler, and consequently a rogue.
He was so narrow--minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who believes the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
He who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unsanitary.
He who enters contest is optimistic as submarine with screen doors.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. - Nietzsche
He who has had, has been, but he who hasn't been, has been had.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hesitates is last.
He who hesitates is last.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning. - Danish Proverb
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks.
He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know. - Lao Tzu
He who knows others is wise.  He who knows himself is enlightened.
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel.
He who reads many fortunes gets confused.
He who receives a benefit with gratitude repays the first installment on his debt. - Seneca (c. 4 B.C.-A.D. 65), Moral Essays
He who requires much from himself and little from others will be secure from hatred. - K'ung Fu-tse
He who slings mud loses ground.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
He's a wild man. Get out of here.
He's dead, Jim.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Hear the other side. - St. Augustine (354-430), De Duabus Animabus
Heard on Noahs' ark: Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
Heaven and hell is right here, right now... You make it heaven or you make it hell by your actions. - George Harrison
Hell's broken loose.
Hello! I'm Bounder of Adventure!
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Help!  I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 470!
Help!  I'm trapped inside an Amdahl 580!
Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from Presidents and Kings to the scum of the earth...
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
Here is the answer which I will give to President Roosevelt... Give us the tools, and we will finish the job. - Winston Churchill (1877-1965), Radio broadcast, 9 February 1941
Here's looking at you, kid.
Hesitate or fumble and you are done for. Think only of the jump. - Virginia Woolf
Hi, kids!  Ed Barbera here!
Hindsight is an exact science.
Hire the morally handicapped.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
History doesn't repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other.
History is bunk.
History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.
Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Langston Hughes
Holy Hand Grenades, Batman! - Robin
Home is  the place where your computer lives and runs your life. - Chrome Cowboy, sobiloff@Thor.acc.stolaf.edu
Honesty is next to poverty.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. - Thomas Jefferson
Honesty's the best policy.
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
Honk if you love obscene gestures.
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
Hope is a waking dream.
Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
Horses with free rein will travel where others have been before. - John Steinbeck
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How apt the poor are to be proud.
How are things?
How can a man die with sage in his garden?
How can the arts overcome the slow dying of men's hearts that we call the progress of the world...? - W.B. Yeats
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese?
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying? When his lips move.
How can you tell when a salesman is lying? When his lips move.
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
How come we never talk anymore?
How come wrong numbers are never busy? - Stephen Wright
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
How do I explain to clients that society believes buying a rock (of cocaine) is three or four times as bad as raping a woman? - Robert Jakovitch, Broward [FL] Assistant Public Defender
How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
How high I am  /  How much I see  /  How far I reach  /  Depends on me
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How many "coming men" has one known! Where on earth do they all go to?
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, its a hardware problem.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How untasteful can you get?
How was Thomas J. Watson buried? 9 edge down.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
How you look depends on where you go.
How'd you make a have out of a has-not? - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
Humanity has in the course of time had to endure from the hands of science two great outrages upon its naive self-love.  The first was when it realized that our earth was not the center of the universe, but only a speck in a world-system of a magnitude hardly conceivable...  The second was when biological research robbed man of his particular privilege of having been specially created, and relegated him to a descent from the animal world. - Sigmund Freud  
Hyphenate between syllables and avoid UN--necessary hyphens.
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
I am a man--nothing human is alien to me.
I am anxyus to skewer your infloounce. - Artemus Ward [Charles Farrar Brown] (1834-1867), Works, 1898, From "One of Mr. Ward's Business Letters"
I am looking for an honest man.
I am made from the dust of the stars, the oceans flow in my veins. - Rush, "Presto"
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
I am not a crook.
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
I am not young enough to know everything. - James M. Barrie
I am thankful for one leg.  To limp is no disgrace -- I may not be number one, but I can still run the race. - B.C.
I am the housekeeper!
I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I believe that advertising is an investment where risk taking is inordinately rewarded and where the penalty for failure is not correspondingly severe. - Chester A. Posey (1896-1971), McCann-Erikson
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was dissapointed in the monkey. - Mark Twain
I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining. - Lilly Tomlin
I can relate to that.
I can't hear you.  There's a banana republic in my ear.
I can't reach the brakes on this piano!
I come unbundled.
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no socks.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I didn't graduate "Magna Cum Laude" or "Summa Cum Laude" -- I graduated "Laude Howe Cum."
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions --  the curtain was up. - Groucho Marx
I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to tell such LIES!
I distinctly remember forgetting that. - Clara Barton
I do and I do and I do for you kids, and THIS is the thanks I get. - David Letterman
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I do not fear computers.. I fear the lack of them. - Isaac Asimov
I do not regard a broker as a member of the human race. - Honore de Balzac (1790-1859)
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words. - Josh Billings
I don't even know what street Canada is on. - Al Capone
I don't find any correlation between size and greatness. - Woody Allen
I don't get no respect.
I don't know what you mean by YOUR way, all the ways about here belong to ME
I don't meet competition, I crush it. - Charles Revson (1906-1975), Revlon
I don't mind dying . . . I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. - Samuel Butler, Notebooks, 1912
I don't see you registered here. - Grace Bester, University of Hartford Admissions Department
I don't understand you anymore.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achive immortality by not dying. - Woody Allen
I don't want to be a millionaire.  I just want to live like one. - Joe E. Lewis
I dote on his very absence.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
I give them a chance once a year to work me over, and that's enough. - James D. Finley (1916-    ), J. P. Stevens, Of talking to the press and public at the annual stockholders' meeting
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), Journal, May 1849
I have been poor and I have been rich.  Rich is better. - Sophie Tucker
I have had no real gratification or enjoyment more than my neighbor on the next block who is worth only half a million. - last words of railroad magnate William Henry Vanderbilt
I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I have no time for monks resisting the carnival.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I just couldn't convince Texans that Dukakis was Greek for Bubba. - Lloyd Benson
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I kew a girl, she was a macho man.
I knew they could pile it pretty high and pretty deep, but I never knew they could get it to talk.
I know on which side my bread is buttered.
I like it better in the dark.
I like the word `indolence.' It makes my laziness seem classy. - Bern Williams
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. - Albert Einstein
I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. - Apocalypse Now
I love treason but hate a traitor.
I marvel at the strength of human weakness.
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. - Ashleigh Brilliant
I must create a system myself or be enslaved by another man's. - Blake
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
I never came here & I ain't goin' nowhere either. - Willie Nelson
I never did it that way before.
I never met a man I didn't like. - Will Rogers
I remember back when a "mouse" had four legs, "PostScript" was what came at the end of a letter, and "Unix" was a term for someone who'd had his works cut out for him. - Brad Kozak
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's ...
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
I sense danger, Will Robinson! - Robot YM3
I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement, it takes place every day. - Albert Camus
I shut my eyes in order to see. - Paul Gauguin
I suggest a new strategy, R2.  Let the Wookiee win.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I think their experience with us may have helped their contemptuousness; the ignorance they come by naturally. -Chuck McManis (personal communication)
I think there's a world market for about 5 computers. - Thomas J. Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM (around 1948)
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I think we're in trouble.
I think, therefore I am paid.
I think, therefore I am.  I think.
I was angry at a friend. I told my wrath; my wrath did end. I was angry at a foe. I told him not; my wrath did grow. - William Blake
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. - Mark Twain
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion. - Author Unknown
I will make you shorter by the head.
I will never lie to you.
I will not forget you.
I wish the Arabs and the Jews would settle their differences like Christian gentlemen. - attributed to Arthur Ballour and others
I wish they all could be California girls.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
I wish you the courage to be warm when the world would prefer you to be cool. - Robert A. Ward
I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. - Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)
I would sooner be notorious than unknown.
I wouldn't shoot him if I were you.  It will just make him mad.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
I'd like to be home, with my monkey, and my dog. - Roger Waters, Radio KAOS
I'd love to, but I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'd love to, but I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
I'd love to, but I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare.
I'd love to, but I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'd love to, but I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat.
I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I'd love to, but I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'd love to, but I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory.
I'd love to, but I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I'd love to, but I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test.
I'd love to, but I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
I'd love to, but I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
I'd love to, but I have too much guilt.
I'd love to, but I left my body in my other clothes.
I'd love to, but I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y".
I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'd love to, but I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender.
I'd love to, but I'll be looking for a parking space.
I'd love to, but I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'd love to, but I'm being deported.
I'd love to, but I'm building a pig from a kit.
I'd love to, but I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I'd love to, but I'm doing door--to--door collecting for static cling.
I'd love to, but I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
I'd love to, but I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'd love to, but I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
I'd love to, but I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
I'd love to, but I'm going to be old someday.
I'd love to, but I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
I'd love to, but I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I'd love to, but I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'd love to, but I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I'd love to, but I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'd love to, but I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
I'd love to, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I'd love to, but I'm too young for that stuff.
I'd love to, but I'm touring China with a wok band.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut down.
I'd love to, but I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'd love to, but I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I'd love to, but I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'd love to, but I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'd love to, but I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I'd love to, but It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'd love to, but It's my parakeet's bowling night.
I'd love to, but having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'd love to, but it's too close to the turn of the century.
I'd love to, but my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I'd love to, but my Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.
I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting.
I'd love to, but my chocolate--appreciation class meets that night.
I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'd love to, but my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'd love to, but my palm reader advised against it.
I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
I'd love to, but my plot to take over the world is thickening.
I'd love to, but my subconscious says no.
I'd love to, but my uncle escaped again.
I'd love to, but my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
I'd love to, but people are blaming me for the Spanish--American War.
I'd love to, but the President said he might drop in.
I'd love to, but the grunion are running.
I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back.
I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned.
I'd love to, but there are important world issues that need worrying about.
I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
I'll burn my books.
I'll get you Dorothy. . . and your little dog, too! - Wicked Witch of the West
I'll give you a definite maybe. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
I'll never get off this planet.
I'll tell ya, life aint easy for a boy named Sue!
I'll turn over a new leaf.
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
I'm a Leo.  Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff. - Tom Neff
I'm a great believer in luck. The harder I work the more I have of it. - Thomas Jefferson
I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.
I'm a programmer, I don't do COBOL.
I'm an influential person -- gravitationally speaking.
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not going to take it any more. - (from Network, 1976), Paddy Chayevsky
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator".
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing. - Neil Simon
I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
I'm not really bad -- I'm just drawn that way. - Jessica Rabbit
I'm okay and you're okay. . . but I'm more okay than you are. - Unknown
I'm schizophrenic, What are you?
I've been there.
I've come for an argument!
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
I've got a devil in me.
I've got a very bad feeling about this.
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
I've only got twelve cards.
IOT trap -- core dumped
Identify your visitor.
Idleness is leisure gone to seed.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
If God had intended man to have computers, he would have given him 16 fingers.
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - Albert Einstein
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then that's his problem.
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.  - The Old Farmer's Almanac
If Roosevelt were alive he'd turn in his grave - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
If a guy tells me the probability of failure is 1 in 10E5, I know he's full of crap. - Richard P. Feynmann, "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a ruby falls in a puddle, it will not lose it's luster. - Malaysian Proverb
If a string has one end, it has another.
If a system doesn't have to be reliable, it can do anything else. - H. H. Williams
If a tool is put away when you're sure it won't be needed again, it will. Soon.
If all men were brothers, would you want one to marry your sister? - is the title of a Theodore Sturgeon short story.
If all the world's a stage I want better lighting, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. - Anonymous
If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. - Wm Shakespeare
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If at first you don't succeed you're running about average. - M. H. Alderson
If at first you don't succeed, give up.  No use being a damn fool.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency), it will serve us right. - Alistair Cooke.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. - Ronald Reagan
If it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer.
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
If it works, don't fix it.
If it's a despot you would dethrone, see first that his throne erected within you is destroyed. - Kahlil Gibran, 1923
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale. - Joe Bob Briggs
If life is a bed of roses, then you must be one of the pricks. :)
If little else, the brain is an educational toy. - Tom Robbins
If looks could kill it would've been us instead of him!
If more than one person is responsible for a bug, no one is at fault.
If no one uses it, there's a reason.
If not controlled, work flows to the competent person until he is submerged.
If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself. - Dr. Porsche
If one is forever cautious, can one remain a human being? - Solzhenitsyn
If payment has been recently mailed, please disregard this notice. - Billing reminder, The Source Telecommunications Service
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of PROGRESS? - Unknown
If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. - Pope John Paul I
If something CAN go wrong, it WILL. - Murphy's Law
If the facts do not conform to your theory, they must be disposed of.
If the human mind were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it. - Pat Bahn
If the opposite of "pro" is "con", then what's the opposite of "progress"?
If there is no wind, row.
If things appear to be going well, you have overlooked something.
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
If this were subjunctive, I'm in the wrong mood.
If time heals all wounds, why does the belly button stay the same?
If we can't fix it -- its broken!
If we can't fix it -- we'll fix it so nobody can. - B. Gibbons
If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burden.
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
If we do not succeed, then we face the risk of failure. - Dan Quayle, Vice-President of the United States
If we learn for each success, and each failure, and improve ourselves through this process, then, at the end, we will have fulfilled our potential and performed well. - Dr. Porsche
If we're gonna win, we have to play up to and beyond our potential. - Don Nelson
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.  Quit work and play!
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. - Lin Yutang
If you can't say something nice, say something surrealistic. - Zippy the Pinhead
If you continually give you will continually have.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
If you do everything, you'll win. - Lyndon Baines Johnson
If you do not change your direction, you may end where you are headed.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything. - F. Jeff Stiles, Southern Baptist preacher
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
If you get angry at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or famous or both.
If you get somebody to give you a dollar, they'll vote for you for the rest of their lives. - Hugh Parmer, Democratic candidate for the 1990 U.S. Senate, from Texas
If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him. - Cardinal de Richelieu
If you go and mow the lawn barefoot and cut your feet off, don't come running to me. - Mom
If you have no money, be polite. - Danish proverb
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you have too many special cases, you are doing it wrong. - Craig Zerouni, Computer FX Ltd.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you knew what Mona Lisa knew, you'd smile too.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you. - Perry Farrar
If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very very few people die past the age of a hundred. - George Burns
If you look just close enough, you can see anything you want.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey. - Earl Wilson
If you make a mistake, you right it immediately to the best of your ability.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear the sounds of a restaurant. - Snoopy
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
If you stay up all night wondering where the sun is, it will dawn on you.
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
If you think this fortune is confusing, then change one pig.
If you thought yesterday was bad, wait till you see what happens today.
If you took all the sincerity in Hollywood and put it in the navel of a fruit fly, you'd still have room for three carraway seeds and a producer's heart. - Fred Allen
If you treat people right they will treat you right; 90 per cent of the time.
If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother--in--law.
If you want to look young and thin, hand around old fat people. - Jim Eason
If you wish me to weep, you yourself must first be grief-stricken. - Horace, Epistles (Ars Poetica)
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
If you would not be forgotten, As soon as you are dead and rotten, Either write things worth reading, Or do things worth the writing. - Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1738
If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
If your bread is stale, make toast.
If your computer speaks English it was probably made in Japan.
If your feet smell and your nose runs -- you're built upside down.
If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you won't have any. - Clarence Day
Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot. - Haitian Proverb
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
Ignorance transcends architecture. - James Gaskin
Ignore previous fortune.
Ill ware is never cheap. Pleasing ware is half sold. - George Herbert (1593-1633), Jacula Prudentum, 1651
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
Immitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism. - George Bernard Shaw
In God we trust -- all others require a phase review.
In a civilized society, it is the duty of all citizens to obey just laws. But at the same time, it is the duty of all citizens to disobey unjust laws. - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, 1963
In a crisis, you will choose the worst possible course of action.
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at once!
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater confusion.
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus. . . one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. - Mark Twain
In any human endeavor, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In charity there is no excess.
In computing, turning the obvious into the useful is a living definition of the word 'frustration'.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
In matters of conscience, the law of majority has not place. - Mohandas Gandhi
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
In my end is my beginning.
In my experience, the worst thing you can do to an important problem is discuss it. - Simon Gray (1936-    ), Otherwised Engaged, 1975
In order to be, never try to seem.
In seeking the unattainable, simplicity only gets in the way.
In software systems it is often the early bird that makes the worm.
In the United States, doing good has come to be, like patriotism, a favorite device of persons with something to sell. - H. L. Mencken
In the factory we make cosmetics. In the store we sell hope. - Charles Revson (1906-1975), Revlon
In the future everyone will be world-famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol
In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. - Andy Warhol
In the matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing. - Oscar Wilde
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
In this fortune, the concluding three words 'were left out'.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. - Paul Harvey
In two words: Im-possible. - Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974), In Johnston, The Great Goldwyn, 1937
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Indecision is the key to flexibility. - Author Unknown
Individualists unite!
Inferiority complex:  a conviction by a jury of your fears. - anon
Information is the inverse of entropy.
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Insert your card magnetic stripe down.
Inside every big problem is a small problem trying to get out.
Inside every large problem, there is a small problem trying to get out.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
Integrity has no need for rules.
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
Internal consistency is valued more than efficient service.
Irregardless of that, my skepticism runneth over. - George Grayson
Is Moby-Dick the whale or the man? - Harold Ross (1892-1951), The New Yorker
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
Is it a game of chance?  Not the way I play it.
Is knowledge knowable, and how do we know?
Is this a machine?  I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
Is this bullshit or fertilizer? - Author Unknown
Is this really happening?
It could be worse--it might be raining.
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
It is a foolish thing to make a long prologue, and to be short in the story itself. - Bible: II Meccabees 2:32
It is a great art to know how to sell wind. - Baltasar Gracian (1601-1658)
It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. - Cato the Elder (234-149 B.C.)
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
It is always darkest before it goes totally black. - Sting
It is always the partner's fault.
It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
It is bad luck to be superstitious. - Andrew W. Mathis
It is better to be deceived by a friend, than to suspect him.
It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not. - Andre Guide
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have hated and won.
It is better to have men ask why you have no statue, than why you have one.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it. - Upton Sinclair (1878-1968)
It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future.
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is easier to stay out than to get out. - Mark Twain, Following the Equator, 1897
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
It is hard to fly with the eagles When you work with the turkeys.
It is hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is impossible to get anywhere without sinning against reason. - Einstein
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
It is later than you think.
It is morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
It is more important that a proposition be interesting than that it be true. - Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947), Adventures of Ideas, 1933
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
It is no sin to sell dear, but a sin to give ill measure. - James Kelly, Scottish Proverbs, 1721
It is not down in any map; true places never are. - Herman Melville
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. - Descartes
It is not every question that deserves an answer.
It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do for which we are accountable. - Moliere
It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.
It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
It is the business of the future to be dangerous. - Hawkwind
It is the wise bird that builds its nest in a tree.
It is this simplicity that makes the uneducated more effective than the educated when addressing popular audiences. - Aristotle (384-322 B.C.), Rhetoric
It is true that you may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), To a caller at the White House
It is well known what a middleman is: he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other. - Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881), Speech, 11 April 1845
It is when I struggle to be brief that I became obscure. - Horace, Epistles (Ars Poetica)
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
It isn't easy being a fat narcissist. - Jackie Gleason
It just goes to show you, its always something.
It makes no difference what is it, a woman will buy anything she thinks a store is losing money on. - Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard (1968-1930)
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
It pays to remember your social obligations.  If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours.
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
It takes two to make a bargain. - English proverb
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It won't work.
It works better if you plug it in.
It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. - Will Rogers
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's all in the mind, ya know.
It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.
It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired.
It's better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's better to get mugged than to live a life of fear. - Freeman Dyson
It's clever, but is it art?
It's funny. You come some place new and everything looks the same.
It's gonna be a long hard drag, but we'll make it. - Janis Joplin
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
It's later than you think.
It's more than magnificent--it's mediocre. - Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
It's not easy having a good time; even smiling makes my face ache.
It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's running like a scalded dog!
It's six o'clock and time for the penguin on top of your terminal to explode.
It's smart to pick your friends -- but not your nose.
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
Italians do it better!
JESUS SAVES, but Clones 'R' Us makes backups! - William Lewis (wiml@blake.acs.Washington.edu)
Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jesus saves sinners... and redeems them for valuable cash prizes! - John Wichers (wichers@husc4.HARVARD.EDU)
Jimmy Hoffa--please call home.
John Milton Never stayed in a Hilton Hotel, Which was just as well. - W. H. Auden (1907-1973), Academic Graffiti, 1972
Jones' Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Journalism largely consists in saying "Lord Jones Dead" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive. - G. K. Chesterson, The Wisdom of Father Brown, 1914
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
Just as they are.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT trying to get you. - Anonymous
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it. - Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie
Just to have it is enough.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Keep America Beautiful....  emigrate.
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Keep grandmothers off the streets -- legalize bingo.
Keep your mouth shut and people will think you stupid; Open it and you remove all doubt.
Kin: An affliction of the blood.
Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o'Sunday.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.
Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Kix are for trids.
Klaatu barada nikto.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
Knowing when to optimize is as important as knowing how. - Tom Neff
Knowledge is good.
Knowledge is power.
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
KnowwhatImean, KnowwhatImean, nudge-nudge, grin-grin, wink-wink, say-no-more, say-no-more! - Monty Python
LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
LOGIN PROCEEDING. LOGIN PROCEEDING.
La vache qui rit est jolie. (Laughing cows are pretty.)
Laetrile is the pits.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
Last night at twelve, I felt immense, but now I feel like fifty cents.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
Laundry increases exponentially in the number of children. - Miriam Robbins
Law of Communications: The result of improved and enlarged communications is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
Lead on, MacDuff!
Learn to pause--or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Learning isn't a means to an end; it is an end in itself. - Robert A. Heinlein
Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.
Leave no stone unturned.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Lemon curry ?!?
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Lesser artists borrow, great artists steal. - Igor Stravinsky
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let him that would move the world, first move himself. - Socrates
Let me see what happen when you roll your face on the keyboard.
Let me take you a buttonhole lower.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let the machine do the dirty work.
Let thy speech be short, comprehending much is few words. - Bible: Ecclesiasticus 32:8
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Let's do it. - Gary Gilmore
Let's do the Time Warp again!
Let's go get a pizza!
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.
Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object. - Hegel
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by day, in all the thousand, small, uncaring ways. - Stephen V. Benet
Life is one long struggle in the dark.
Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
Life is to be enjoyed and if it is not, it makes people ill in one way or another. - Louise Bogan
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life itself is a race, marked by a start, and a finish. It is what we learn during the race, and how we apply it, that determines whether our participation has had particular value. - Dr. Porsche
Like the ski resort full of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. - Alan McKay
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Listen to that!  Eighty thousand football fans and not one of them is making a sound! - Broadcast of NFC football game
Live in the past and future only.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. - Josh Billings
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells AWFUL.
Lonely is a man without love.
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
Long life is in store for you.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
Look after the molehills and the mountains will take care of themselves.
Look ere ye leap.
Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.
Look, Muth tracks!
Look, sir! 'droids!
Loosen up, baby, I'm in love with you. - Robert Plant, Now And Zen
Lord Falkland's Rule: When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Lord, give me Chastity  -- but not yet. - Saint Augustine
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
Love is always having to say I'm sorry. - Bob Irwin (birwin@ficc.ferranti.com)
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is sentimental measles.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first!
Love thy neighbor.  Tune thy piano.
Love will find a way if you want it to. - Yes
Love. . . She is Blind, No? - Pepé LePew
Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul. - Mark Twain
Lt. Uhura says: Subspace Communications - It's the next best thing to beaming there!
Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator?  Never heard of that.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
Machines should work; people should think.
Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
Make a wish, it might come true.
Make every bargain clear and plain, That none may afterward complain. - John Ray (1627-1705), English Proverbs, 1670
Make input easy to proofread
Make it right before you make it faster.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
Make three consecutive correct guesses and you will be considered an expert.
Man and wife make one fool.
Man is by nature a political animal.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. - Mark Twain
Man is what he believes. - Anton Chekhov
Man who bites bread or eats peas with knife is lost creature.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Man will never fly.  Space travel is merely a dream.  All aspirin is alike.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Managers know it must be good because the programmers hate it so much.
Managing senior programmers is like herding cats. - Dave Platt
Many a family tree needs trimming.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. - Mark Twain (1835-1910), A Connecticut Yankee at King Arthur's Court, 1889
Many a yo--yo think he have the world on a string.
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
Many hands make light work.
Many pages make a crowded castle.
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles on very thin paper.
Many pages make a thick book.
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
Many receive advice, few profit by it.
Marijuana won't help an asshole. He can smoke it and... he'll still be an asshole. - Willie Nelson
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
Marry not a tennis player.  For love means nothing to them.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!
Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulder, Computer Scientists stand on each other's toes. - someone on the net (please email attribution), about look&feel lawsuits
Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Mature software:  code old enough that for every bug fixed, one or more new bugs are created. - Karl Lehenbauer
Max, as a unary function, isn't very interesting.
May all your hang-ups be drip-dry.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
May you live in uninteresting times.
May you never live to see your wife a widow.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Meditation is not what you think.
Memory Allocation Error - Crosstalk Mark IV
Memory serves wise commanders. - Tz'u-hsi, 638 AD
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Memory: what wonders it performs in preserving and storing up things gone by or rather, things that are! - Plutarch
Men have many faults, Women only two: Everything they say, And everything they do!
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Mention money and the whole world is silent. - German proverb
Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
Merchandising reached its apogee in the Lux advertisements which portrayed two articles of lingerie discussing their wearers' effluvia, for all the world like rival stamp collectors. - S. J. Perelman (1904-1979)
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence!
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - D. P. Barron
Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.
Misfortune.
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
Moderation in all things, and moderation is the first to go.
Moderation in all things.
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
Money is more eloquent than a dozen members of parliament. - Danish proverb
Money is the best messenger. - Yiddish proverb
Money is the root of all evil, and everyone needs roots.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.
Money talks. - English proverb
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover in years. - Henry Fielding (1707-1754), The Miser, 1733
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Moral: Design before you implement.
Morality is a disease which progresses in three stages: virtue-boredom-syphilis. - Karl Kraus
More people have died in Teddy Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abe Lincoln
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation . . . Film at eleven. - Reuven Frank
Most of the people who are writing advertising today have never had to sell anything to anybody. They've never seen a consumer. - David Ogilvy (1911-    ), Ogilvy & Mather
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Mother Earth is not flat!
Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
Mum's the word.
Mumble.
Murphy was an optimist.
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
My Biscuits are Burnin'! - Yosimite Sam
My God, Thiokol, when do you want me to launch?  Next April? - L. Mulloy
My Karma ran over my dogma.
My brain hurts!
My components are indiscreet.
My computer puts out.
My computer puts out.
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
My dog has no nose.
My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
My specialty is being right when other people are wrong. - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), You Never Can Tell, 1898
NASA Announces New Deck Chair Arrangement For Space Station Titanic. - Tom Neff
NASA Awards Acronym Generation System (AGS) Contract For Space Station Freedom - Tom Neff
Nanu nanu!
National security is in your hands -- guard it well.
Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Nature abhors a vacuum. - Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677), Ethics, 1677
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature loves a vacuum.  Digital doesn't. - DEC sales letter
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
Necessity has no law.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
Neuroses are red, Melancholia's blue.
Neurotic: Self-taut person. - Author Unknown
Neutrinos are into physicists.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one.
Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon.
Never ask a question unless the answer makes a difference.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
Never drink from your finger bowl--it contains only water.
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
Never eat in a place with sliding doors unless you're crazy about raw fish.
Never give a gun to ducks.
Never give a sucker an even break. - Edward F. Albee (1857-1930), [W. C. Fields made this remark famous.]
Never give an inch!
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
Never leave anything to chance; make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Never make anything foolproof. Fools are too ingenious. - Anonymous
Never play cards with a man called Doc.
Never play cards with a man named Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never promise more than you can perform.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid doing entirely.
Never put off until run time what you can do at compile time. -  David Gries, in "Compiler Construction for Digital Computers", circa 1969.
Never replace a successful experiment.
Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!"
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
Never take a drink when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
Never throw a bird at a dragon.
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand. - Chinese Proverb
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and bothers the pig.
Never underestimate a woman.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb.
Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
New UNIX/TS manuals available in 2F--101.
Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.
Next time, give "the gift that keeps on giving": a female kitten.
Nice guys get sick.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
Nihilism doesn't exist.
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Nip it in the Bud. Nip it -- Nip it, Nip it NIP IT! - Barney Fife
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
No analysis is a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad example.
No bargain without wine. - Latin saying
No directory.
No experiment is reproducible.
No farting in the car. - Keychain
No generalization is true -- not even this one.
No grass grows in the marketplace. - Henry George Bohn (1796-1884), Handbook of Proverbs, 1855 
No it isn't!
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.
No matter how hard you throw a dead fish into the water, it still won't swim. - Marian Stevens
No matter how you slice it, it's still baloney. - Attributed to Rube Goldberg (1883-1870)
No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory
No one becomes depraved in a moment.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
No one ever listened himself out of a job. - Calvin Coolidge
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. - Attributed to H. L. Mencken [Also quoted as: ...underestimating the taste...]
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. - H. L. Mencken
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
No one knows what he can do till he tries.
No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
No one within an organization really knows what's going on.
No poems can please nor live long that are written by water drinkers.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
No problem is too big it can't be run away from - Linus
No sentence fragments.
No sooner said than done--so acts your man of worth.
No wife of *mine* is doing any dishes.  That's what we had the kid for. - from Deathlok comics #1
No writer's life understands that he's working when he's staring out the window
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Nobody can give you freedom. - Malcolm X
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. - Edmund Burke
Nodding the head does not row the boat. - Irish Proverb
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
Not all who own a harp are harpers.
Not every question deserves an answer. - Puvlilius Syrus, Senentiae
Not now, Kato.
Not only does God play dice with the universe, but sometimes he throws them where they cannot be seen. - Stephen Hawking
Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think. - Werner Heisenberg
Nothin' ain't worth nothin', but it's free.
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing endures but change.
Nothing ever goes away.
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is but what is not.
Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
Nothing is skinnier than nothing.
Nothing is so firmly believed as which is least known.
Nothing makes a politician forget campaign promises faster than being elected.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Nothing succeeds like--failure. - Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
Nothing wenchered, nothing gained.
Nothing will ever happen to you.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible -- yea, and get the better of them. - W. Shakespeare, JULIUS CAESAR
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. - Monty Python
Now!  At last, a cologne for the masses: "Eau Da Dew Dah Dey!"
Now, more than ever, it is evident that `good taste' only refers to that which reinforces the status quo. - Andre Peret
Nudists are people who wear one--button suits.
Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck! [POP!] Oooooooh, a wise guy!
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
Of all the gin joints in the world, she had to pick this one - Rick (Humphrey Bogart), Cassablanca
Of course I can keep secrets.  It's the people I tell them to that can't keep them. - Anthony Haden-Guest
Of course the US Constitution isn't perfect; but it's a lot better than what we have now. - Eric Sheppard (Ce1zzes@prism.gatech.EDU)
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts -- for support rather than illumination.
Oh boy, virtual memory! Now I'm gonna make myself a REALLY BIG ram disk! - lennox@shire.hw.stratus.com
Oh my!   Another kludge!
Oh this age!  How tasteless and ill--bred it is.
Oh wearisome condition of humanity!  Born under one law, to another bound.
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
Oh!  I thought that was a parrot!.   No, no... They turn that color.
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
Oh, Nicky, you're such a tool.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave When we first practice to deceive. - Sir Walter Scott
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Old age is the harbor of all ills.
Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough.
Old doughnut makers never die, they just get tired of the whole business.
Old frogs never die, But they do croak!
Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their inability to give bad examples.
Old men give good advice when they are no longer able to provide bad examples.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
On all LaserGrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
On the way to the corner, a dropped tool will land on your foot.
On the whole, I'd rather be in Paris. . . Philadelphia would do. - W.C. Fields
On y soit, qui mal y pense. (You are what you think.)
Once a can of worms is opened, the only way to recan them is in a bigger can.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled. - Horace (65-8 B.C.), Epistles
Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
One Bell System -- it works.
One bag of money is stronger than two bags of truth. - Danish proverb
One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.
One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
One funged curve is worth a thousand weasel words.
One good turn deserves another.
One good turn gets the whole blanket.
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
One of it's legs is both the same.
One of the first declarations of business philosophy I heard from my father, soon after I came to work at Neiman-Marcus in 1926, was, "There is never a good sale for Neiman-Marcus unless it's a good buy for the customer." - Stanley Marcus (1905-    ), Neiman-Marcus
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain (1835-1910), Pudd'nhead Wisdom, 1894
One person's constant is another person's variable. - Susan Gerhart, Microelectronics and Computer Technology Corp
One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below.
One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
One will not have needed the future perfect in one's entire life.
One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
Only a fool has no doubts.
Only a mediocre man is always at his best. - W. Somerset Maugham
Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social occasions.
Only constant repetition will finally succeed in imprinting an idea on the memory of the crowd. - Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. - Allan Goldfein
Only fools are quoted.
Only the shallow know themselves. - Oscar Wilde
Only the wildest animals need cages. - Donald Hall
Only those with nothing to be sorry for smile back at the rear of an elephant.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of bleeding, he sings
Optimist is person who thinks he can break up traffic jam by blowing horn.
Oregonians don't tan, they rust.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Other people's tools work only in other people's gardens.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Our swords shall play the orators for us.
Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
Ours is not so much an age of vulgarity as of vulgarization; everything is tampered with or touched up, or adulterated or watered down, in an effort to make it palatable, in an effort to make it pay. - Louis Kronenberger (1904-1980), Company Manners, 1954
Out! Out, damned spot! -- Lady MacBeth - William Shakespeare
Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
Overwrite existing keystroke macro [yn]? - BRIEF Editor
P--K4.
PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
PLEASE LOG OFF!.... NOW ! ! !
PURGE COMPLETE.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. - Author Unknown
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
Palindrome isn't one.
Panic: can't find  rm --rf *
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Parkinson's First Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.
Parsley is gharsley.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Password:
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Patch griefs with proverbs.
Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you but not in the one ahead of you.
Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
Pause for storage relocation.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.
Paybacks are Hell. - Karyl D. Piers (attributed)
Peanut butter.
Penalties against possession of